our referral day (august 2, 2013). aka the day we ate tacos, drank beer, and had a baby.
by this point, we'd been waiting for 2 years for our referral. about a year ago, i made sure that the ringtone for our agency was annoying and loud. that way, when they called we'd be sure not to miss it. other than that, we hadn't really done much 'planning' about it. a lot of folks in the adoption community have all these elaborate plans about what is going to happen when they get 'the call.' plans about what if you're at work or someone is out of town etc. we had no plans really.
so while i was at boxing, my phone started to make a really awful, annoying, and loud sound. normally dave doesn't pay any attention to my phone but when it started to ring like that he looked to see who was calling and it was our agency! he answered. hellos were exchanged. they said it was our referral call. a little 13 month old boy. they would send an email shortly. the end.
i didn't know it, but my husband has a solid poker face. i had no idea he had just gotten our referral call while i punched and kicked the heavy bag with him standing near by. so as we walked out of the boxing gym together, i'm sure i was talking (i usually am) about something inconsequential and then dave's face started to change from what i now know to be his poker face to something else. something happy and sad at the same time. and he just said 'Holt called.'
and that was that. i had a million questions, none of which he had bothered to ask. hilarious! so we get back to our apartment and i call our agency and blubber off a few questions about his name, where he is from, and basically WHEN ARE YOU SENDING THE EMAIL???? i must have asked the poor woman at least 5 times when they were going to send the email. i mean, you called us and said we have a baby boy. why isn't the email ready? right now? where is the email????
so we got off the phone with a little more information. his name. and where he is from. and an estimated birthday. we stared at each other. i checked my email 7 times in 30 seconds and then we decided to get out of the apartment and go eat tacos! we ate tacos. and then the email came. we walked across the street to a dive bar, got two beers, sat down and opened the email together on my phone. and with that, we had a son.
it was a friday. big lou was out in virginia for a weekend full of fishing and throwing sticks and eating bagels in bed with his aunt and uncle and cousin. which meant that dave and i had the entire weekend to ourselves to celebrate my birthday. i'm not really a birthday person but having the weekend to ourselves was reason enough to party! dave came home from work early and i headed off to boxing class at 5:15pm. now, because this was a child-free weekend, dave had planned a lot of stuff -- mostly eating and drinking and, well, drinking. so he wanted me to get to my boxing class and then come home as quick as possible so we could get to the happy hour oysters at a place nearby. sometimes i linger after boxing class to talk or do more punching. . . so when dave showed up at the gym when i still had 10 minutes of class left, i figured it was to make sure i got out of there quickly so we could make it in time for cheap oysters (this might sound weird but in our family oysters are a high priority, especially at happy hour prices). it was either that or something bad had happened. seriously. dave doesn't go to the boxing gym. its my thing. he generally avoids it under all circumstances. so when he walked in, i was at first concerned but he gave me a thumbs up and then waited for class to be over.
by this point, we'd been waiting for 2 years for our referral. about a year ago, i made sure that the ringtone for our agency was annoying and loud. that way, when they called we'd be sure not to miss it. other than that, we hadn't really done much 'planning' about it. a lot of folks in the adoption community have all these elaborate plans about what is going to happen when they get 'the call.' plans about what if you're at work or someone is out of town etc. we had no plans really.
so while i was at boxing, my phone started to make a really awful, annoying, and loud sound. normally dave doesn't pay any attention to my phone but when it started to ring like that he looked to see who was calling and it was our agency! he answered. hellos were exchanged. they said it was our referral call. a little 13 month old boy. they would send an email shortly. the end.
i didn't know it, but my husband has a solid poker face. i had no idea he had just gotten our referral call while i punched and kicked the heavy bag with him standing near by. so as we walked out of the boxing gym together, i'm sure i was talking (i usually am) about something inconsequential and then dave's face started to change from what i now know to be his poker face to something else. something happy and sad at the same time. and he just said 'Holt called.'
and that was that. i had a million questions, none of which he had bothered to ask. hilarious! so we get back to our apartment and i call our agency and blubber off a few questions about his name, where he is from, and basically WHEN ARE YOU SENDING THE EMAIL???? i must have asked the poor woman at least 5 times when they were going to send the email. i mean, you called us and said we have a baby boy. why isn't the email ready? right now? where is the email????
so we got off the phone with a little more information. his name. and where he is from. and an estimated birthday. we stared at each other. i checked my email 7 times in 30 seconds and then we decided to get out of the apartment and go eat tacos! we ate tacos. and then the email came. we walked across the street to a dive bar, got two beers, sat down and opened the email together on my phone. and with that, we had a son.
and that moment marked the end of the 'easy' wait and the beginning of the 'really REALLY difficult' wait. the wait to get our son home.
the funny thing i felt that night was sadness about that being our 'last' referral call. we don't plan or expect to adopt again. so there will be no more anticipation or mystery or i wonder when we will get the call and who our son will be. . . that is all written now. i don't often have awareness in my life about 'this is the last time . . . . ' even when it is the last time. but after that referral call, i felt sad that it was the last one. but who knows. maybe it wasn't the last one. i know enough now about life that saying something is the 'last' or 'will never happen' is just plain silly. so there you go.
the funny thing i felt that night was sadness about that being our 'last' referral call. we don't plan or expect to adopt again. so there will be no more anticipation or mystery or i wonder when we will get the call and who our son will be. . . that is all written now. i don't often have awareness in my life about 'this is the last time . . . . ' even when it is the last time. but after that referral call, i felt sad that it was the last one. but who knows. maybe it wasn't the last one. i know enough now about life that saying something is the 'last' or 'will never happen' is just plain silly. so there you go.
