and just like that . . .

our adoption process is moving forward!!!!! slowly, but surely.  our PAIR docs are at the embassy in Addis Ababa!  if you look back at the post i put up on jan. 1, we are in between step 3 and 4.  yay!

 a month ago, i wrote that i was going to stop blogging about this adoption. . .  and i was doing my version of 'running away' when times get rough.  that is what i do.  when shit sucks, i hide from the world.   i'm not proud of it, but that is how i process things.  i prefer to figure out how i feel about things and what i want to do about it without 'everyone' else's input.  i am an extreme introvert, especially when it comes to crisis situations.

but i strongly believe in not missing out on an opportunity to celebrate.  and this is definitely an opportunity for celebration -- even if there is snow on the ground right now.  so please celebrate with our little family this week.  however it is you do it:   drink champagne with breakfast, let your kids watch tv, book some plane tickets somewhere fun, dye your hair blue, get a tattoo. . . . 

no more blogging about this adoption

i do not plan to blog about this adoption anymore. . . not that i was really doing much.  we got an email today from our agency telling us about some problems with paperwork blah blah blah.  unfortunately we have been in this position before and didn't seem to learn from it. this has made it clear to me that i have once again become attached to the idea of a particular child and a particular future.  neither of which were/are mine yet.  and that is dangerous and sad. . . . so no more blogging about this.  

good things happen when you nap

we have made some progress on the long list of things that need to happen to finish this adoption process!!  while i was napping on monday afternoon, we received our PAIR documents via an email from our agency.  we applied for our PAIR letter yesterday.  yay! now our next step is to wait the estimated 3-4 months to get our PAIR approval letter in the mail.  we still have a long way to go but at least we are moving now. . .  

what's happening

So.  its jan 1, 2014.  when we got our referral back in august we figured we'd have our little dude home by now or be preparing for our final trip to ethiopia to bring him home.  but that is not the case.   since our referral, a lot of changes have been made to the adoption process (by the United States) in Ethiopia and so our adoption process has essentially been at a stand still for 6 months. 

when we adopted luther in 2010, it was much simpler. . . the process was referral, court date (we didn't need to travel to Ethiopia for the court hearing back then), and then travel to Ethiopia a few months later for the US embassy interview, and fly home with our child. 

things are much different now and here is what (from my limited understanding) needs to happen before this adoption will be complete:  

1. referral (woohoo! we have this part done!)

2. receive Pre-Adoption Immigration Review (PAIR) documents from Ethiopia (this is what we have been waiting 6 months for. . . if you are interested in what this is all about, check it out here: http://www.uscis.gov/adoption/country-information/adoption-information-ethiopia

3. apply for PAIR letter from USCIS

4. receive PAIR letter from USCIS (this is predicted to take 3 months! ugh!)

5. send PAIR letter to Ethiopia

6. our file will then be submitted to court and we wait a couple more months

7. court date assignment

8. travel to Ethiopia to meet child and go to court (this trip should be about 10 days long)

9. come home (this is a requirement by our agency --  we have to return to the states after our court hearing)

10. wait for the US embassy in Ethiopia to schedule an interview to give our child a visa to travel to the US (this can take a few months also)

11.  travel to Ethiopia, take custody of the child, go to embassy interview and fly home

we talked with our agency yesterday and they expect us to get the PAIR documents by the end of January.  they also think that we could be through the entire process in 6 months. . . that is obviously an optimistic estimation based on the predicted timelines for each of the above steps.  but maybe the PAIR process will speed up the final steps.  at this point, we are just hoping for Luther's little bro to be home before christmas 2014.  doesn't seem too outrageous to ask for that, right?

in the meant time, happy new year!  2013 was a fantastic year for us.  and we expect the same and more from 2014.  cheers to that!

the end of the 'easy' wait

our referral day (august 2, 2013). aka the day we ate tacos, drank beer, and had a baby.

it was a friday.  big lou was out in virginia for a weekend full of fishing and throwing sticks and eating bagels in bed with his aunt and uncle and cousin.  which meant that dave and i had the entire weekend to ourselves to celebrate my birthday.  i'm not really a birthday person but having the weekend to ourselves was reason enough to party!  dave came home from work early and i headed off to boxing class at 5:15pm.  now, because this was a child-free weekend, dave had planned a lot of stuff -- mostly eating and drinking and, well, drinking.  so he wanted me to get to my boxing class and then come home as quick as possible so we could get to the happy hour oysters at a place nearby.  sometimes i linger after boxing class to talk or do more punching. . . so when dave showed up at the gym when i still had 10 minutes of class left, i figured it was to make sure i got out of there quickly so we could make it in time for cheap oysters (this might sound weird but in our family oysters are a high priority, especially at happy hour prices).  it was either that or something bad had happened.  seriously.  dave doesn't go to the boxing gym.  its my thing.  he generally avoids it under all circumstances.  so when he walked in, i was at first concerned but he gave me a thumbs up and then waited for class to be over.  

by this point, we'd been waiting for 2 years for our referral.  about a year ago, i made sure that the ringtone for our agency was annoying and loud.  that way, when they called we'd be sure not to miss it.   other than that, we hadn't really done much 'planning' about it.  a lot of folks in the adoption community have all these elaborate plans about what is going to happen when they get 'the call.'  plans about what if you're at work or someone is out of town etc.  we had no plans really.

so while i was at boxing, my phone started to make a really awful, annoying, and loud sound.  normally dave doesn't pay any attention to my phone but when it started to ring like that he looked to see who was calling and it was our agency!  he answered.  hellos were exchanged. they said it was our referral call.  a little 13 month old boy.  they would send an email shortly.  the end.

i didn't know it, but my husband has a solid poker face.   i had no idea he had just gotten our referral call while i punched and kicked the heavy bag with him standing near by.  so as we walked out of the boxing gym together, i'm sure i was talking (i usually am) about something inconsequential and then dave's face started to change from what i now know to be his poker face to something else.  something happy and sad at the same time. and he just said 'Holt called.'

and that was that.  i had a million questions, none of which he had bothered to ask.  hilarious! so we get back to our apartment and i call our agency and blubber off a few questions about his name, where he is from, and basically WHEN ARE YOU SENDING THE EMAIL???? i must have asked the poor woman at least 5 times when they were going to send the email.  i mean, you called us and said we have a baby boy.  why isn't the email ready?  right now? where is the email????

so we got off the phone with a little more information.  his name.  and where he is from.  and an estimated birthday.  we stared at each other.  i checked my email 7 times in 30 seconds and then we decided to get out of the apartment and go eat tacos!  we ate tacos.  and then the email came.  we walked across the street to a dive bar, got two beers, sat down and opened the email together on my phone.  and with that, we had a son. 

and that moment marked the end of the 'easy' wait and the beginning of the 'really REALLY difficult' wait. the wait to get our son home.

the funny thing i felt that night was sadness about that being our 'last' referral call.  we don't plan or expect to adopt again.  so there will be no more anticipation or mystery or i wonder when we will get the call and who our son will be. . . that is all written now.  i don't often have awareness in my life about 'this is the last time . . . . ' even when it is the last time.  but after that referral call, i felt sad that it was the last one.  but who knows.  maybe it wasn't the last one.  i know enough now about life that saying something is the 'last' or 'will never happen' is just plain silly.  so there you go.

it happened!

2 years and 1 week of waiting.  and then it happened!!!!

two whole years

okay.  well i gotta write something today because as of today, we have been on the wait list for 24 months.  2 freaking years! it seriously seems like 5 seconds and 100 years all at the same time.